In today’s success-based society failure is condemned to be one of the most terrible things one could endure. There is so much shame connected to trying without succeeding. It is followed by rumination on how you could have done things differently or what exactly made you fail. Was it your own bad judgment or that of someone else, the lack of effort and dedication, or was it just bad luck? We want to help you understand what failure really has to do with yourself and what the experience truly has to offer despite that humiliating feeling you might be experiencing right now.
How To Handle The Feelings Connected To Failure
First of all – allow yourself to feel! Whatever emotion comes to the surface has a right to be there. Whether it be sadness, anger, rage, or a sort of dumbness. When giving your emotions a space to exist and breathe you make sure no new emotional storages are being created within yourself and thus the experience does not have to create an emotional blockage within your system. This experience already offers you a chance to learn: the chance to show yourself that you have grown and that you are 100% supportive of yourself no matter what situation you are in which then helps you create confidence in yourself and self-trust.
For some food is a comforting choice. While you should definitely do whatever makes you feel better in such a situation you should make sure that the food is not an avoidant technic so you don´t have to face your emotions. There is nothing wrong with using a good snack as a little encouragement and reminder that you deserve sweet things in your life but only to the extent that it serves you.
Some like to get creative (write, draw, sing, dance, etc.) in order to handle their emotions while others like to get active (go on a walk/run, go swimming, etc.) whatever productive measure you choose make sure to go into the quiet. You can and should get active/creative in a way that brings you joy or relief but make sure the activity doesn´t become your avoidant style. The chosen activity should add to your well-being and should not have you “unconsciously” pile up all the emotions, sensations, fears, and frustrations connected to the current situation. So yes go ahead and do whatever it is you want to do, but make sure to get some time just by yourself and listen to the quiet of what your soul has to tell you.
Why Negative Self-Talk Never Is The Solution
The choice of today’s most-watched tv shows tells us a lot about our society. We love talent shows because they focus on the judgment of another person. We get to judge another person without any danger of being judged and condemned ourselves.
As kids, we all get taught to evaluate, compare and even judge. All of these behaviors are based on a society that is focused on maximization in all aspects, but especially performance and profit. This very male energy-based society is unbalanced and thus unstable in its approach. We (who all consist of male and female energy) wonder why we don´t feel at home in this world filled with competition but fail to see that we grow up condemned and misjudged for 50% of our existence. While you might be wondering now what this has to do with our subject we want you to trust us that this concept is the base for why we conceive failure to be one of the worst things on earth.
We live in a world that cannot exist without duality. But we try to create a world only filled with manly attributes and the female aspects are condemned as weak, lazy, and dramatic.
The system and thus society makes you believe that all the materialistic things in life are what truly matter and while they ensure survival in a physical sense it completely forgets and underrates the nourishment of the soul. This perspective can help you realize that what you perceive to be an absolute failure might just be a little “setback” compared to what truly is important in life. So instead of drowning in this shame and humiliating feeling you might be able to realize that it is just a sensation on an ocean of truly important things in your life.
We celebrate all things connected to the physical and materialistic level and forget to look at the things that matter: the heart, the vibration, and the soul.
Here are some of the most common negative self-talk subjects and why they don´t work:
- “I could have done better!” – If you really could have done better why didn´t you? The chances of something having stopped you that actually wasn´t a big deal are pretty much zero. Because if you COULD have handled the situation differently with the knowledge you had back then you would have.
- “I am not good (smart, strong…) enough!” – The issue is never that you are… not enough! You can never be less than what you are so maybe the question is “Did you put yourself in a place, environment, and path that is suitable for your qualities, dreams, and hopes?”
- “Maybe I don´t deserve this?” – You deserve all you wish for, BUT … maybe there are better things waiting for you. By better we don´t mean that society would place it higher on their “scale of achievements”, but it could suit you and your dreams better and might actually bring you a kind of joy the original plan never would have.
- “No one wants me to succeed!” – Some people maybe don´t, but that only shows how little their knowledge and understanding of humanity and the universe as a whole really work. The judgment of others should never be your yardstick or guideline for where you are going. No one knows exactly the things you do and thus (no matter their qualifications) they are never in a place to judge you.
Try to find things that make you proud of yourself. Well yes maybe you failed your exam, but now you know that you are willing to try again (which proves you are strong-willed) or you realize this is not what you want in life (which then makes you adaptable). And yes maybe you didn´t succeed at the job interview or the date didn´t go as planned, but you tried (which means you are courageous).
What Failure Teaches Us
Failure is the moment we learn the most. Imagine the current situation turned out completely differently – you got what you wanted. What would you have learned? Maybe you would have gotten that degree, that job, that date, etc. but what new ability would have been created in your treasure chest of your accumulated abilities? Things might have been easier, but would they have been as useful in the long run?
Maybe this failure has taught you or is teaching you way more than the succeeded journey could have ever offered you. Maybe failure is the real success. Maybe the way you handle your failure by looking at your emotions, handling the different options that now are in front of you, or how what you perceive failure to be are the biggest gifts life could have given you. Maybe this moment in your life is not a low point, but a gift in disguise that only you can learn to see.
Who are you? Try answering this question without using your name, your job, or anything you have achieved in life. Maybe your failure helps you understand who you are.
Why You Should Welcome Failure
While failure may not be an easy thing to handle it definitely is filled with lessons, reflections, and growth. So welcome everything it has to show and teach you.
This moment might also be the moment you realize that fighting is not always the solution. You might have faught so hard, showed a lot of perseverance, gave everything, did everything by yourself, but now it is time to leave these masculine aspects behind and turn to yourself lovingly. Put down your weapons and open your heart. Give yourself what you long for so much, your understanding attentiveness and your expectation-free affection. Maybe this is the moment you get to realize that the love and care you have been waiting for for so long are right there with you in your heart.
Failure is the moment you realize that it is time to welcome a new version of yourself.